Carpe diem.

IMG_6656

Bought this in Nagoya, Japan 2 years ago (woah, how time flies) on a chilly night.

Burst into Starbucks and had an awkward brief conversation with the barista, well given the fact that all I know how to speak is “マレーシアからです 日本語が話せません” (I come from Malaysia. I don’t speak Japanese). Damn the Japanese they speak so fast my brain can’t even think of a response to reply. All I could do was nod or respond by giving them an awkward smile. Bet I look like an idiot.

Anyway back to the topic. Funny how I bought a tumbler but I have never used it. Never, for the last 2 years. It’s just that every time when I want to use it, all I can think of is breaking it or dropping it etc. I’ve been this way for all my life. Bought a nice pencil box or eraser (yes I know, it’s just a freaking eraser), kept them in my drawer. Bags or clothes that held a special meaning or was given by someone special, locked ’em in the closet. Even food! Bought a cake from Japan and didn’t eat it not until the expiry date (I know. Don’t judge). Well you see the pattern.

I’m just afraid of losing things that are important to me, you know? Even a tiny dent or scratch flips my switch. I just can’t bear it (Jeez I sound like I have some serious issue). My mom saw it through me and she said, “When are you going to use it then? When you’re old? When you’re dead? … You can’t take it to your grave, you know.”

Ok this post is going no where. What I want to say is: live for the moment, or carpe diem. You’ll never know when’s your last day, so what’s worth of not living your life, or not being who you want until the last of your days?

I have no idea what brought up this thought. Maybe because that it’s been extremely stressful these few days, making me to think stuff that is always hidden beneath a part of my brain, or maybe because of this article.

Am I making the right choice? Am I doing what I want to do? Will my future self hate me for making this choice? What will she say? Will my parents be proud of me? I’ve been asking myself lately. And sometimes the future scares me. I know everyone has the same thought and they have also been constantly questioning themselves throughout their entire lives. Maybe it’s a part of being an adult, or maybe it’s just how society has shaped us.

… Enough of the dark thought! Hakuna matata! Why worry about tomorrow when you know everything will work out just well, and the problems will be solved by the universe? Yup that’s kinda my law of attraction.

Again, this is going nowhere. Best if I hit the sack now cuz my brain is frying up. Until the next time, right when I’ve finished all my tasks. Sad story of a lifeless 3rd year student.

x Jess

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One thought on “Carpe diem.

  1. Pingback: An answer from the Universe. | Camouflage ;

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